Choose your own Character: There Will be Tropes

Over Easter weekend I went with a friend to do some walks in Abel Tasman. We based ourselves in a backpackers hostel at Motueka and encountered, as you always will, some Characters.

The thing about Characters, especially when there's an edge of stereotype to them, is that they always have Stories. I've written up a few that we bumped into for you.

Tell me which ones you want to know more about, and I'll tell you their story. I can assure you, there will be tropes.

I didn't encounter any snow, or any naked hikers. But jeeze!They must be friggin' cold! Picture courtesy of  Xenophilia.

The Eccentric Backpacker Owner
Inevitably an expatriate (and, you suspect, an ex-patriot) of another nation, she has wild white hair that bursts in a storm of liberalism all over her head. She's lovely. She calls you "sweetheart" and "darling" in a strong American accent. She has strong opinions about many things and is able to find links between them that no one else can understand.

Enthusiastic Apple Immigrants
They're here to pick our apples, and they like New Zealand. They like the people, and the land, and the weather, and the orchards, and the many many more things. The only things wrong are the internet (third-world!) and the public transport (crap!).

Efficient German Walkers
They're tramping, and they're doing it efficiently. They have carefully selected their outfits and fitted their packs with the correct equipment and exact supplies required for their chosen course and for its duration (which has been estimated carefully for each segment). They walk in a straight line so that others might pass. Unfortunately, they walk in the middle of the path.

The Quiet Chinese Girl
She works at the hostel keeping to herself and the kitchen tidy. She smiles if she accidentally makes eye contact with you, and quietly wipes the kitchen bench. What mysteries does she harbour in her heart?

Business Suit in the Bush
He is a serious man. He always must wear a suit. Even he wears a suit when he is on holiday with his family. He wears the suit on the ferry taxi to the beach and for walking he wears the suit. (He does not speak English.)

The Bed-in-the-Van Man
True that he lives in his van, but he lives in it in style. He's got a new barbeque, and black velvet curtains to keep out prying eyes. He has a proper bed fitted, with a wooden frame and spring mattress and everything. He even has a dream catcher, all the way from California.

Bottom of the Cool Chain
In the group of cool kids, there's always one at the bottom. After all, to hone their bullying skills and make sure they keep their egos up it is essential that there is constantly someone they can torment around them. Sadly, this unfortunate soul doesn't realise it - mostly because he's a bit of a delusional try-hard jerk himself. Some might argue that, wearing that denim jacket with a shirt undone to the belly button, he's inviting it.

Backwards-Walking Voodoo Master
You're not quite sure if it actually was voodoo - in fact, you're sure it wasn't - but this strange creature was shuffling backwards around a Church on Easter Monday, early in the morning. You're not sure if it was male or female. You're not quite sure if it was human...

The "Not too bad, eh" Kiwi
"Aw, it wasn't too bad!" she says, to the great amusement of the Argentinians. She exalts the virtues of Marmite, and does so in a pair of navy-blue rugby shorts. She grew up on a farm with sheep on it, and has in fact fired a gun before.